Autism from a different perspective

 A hidden disability

Some people think autism is a disease to be cured, others think it’s the next stage of evolution. The majority are probably just wrestling with the daily trials that come with it and not thinking too hard about it. Me? I currently think it’s a genetic variation indicative of a fallen world. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it simply exists. Unfortunately it exists in a world where the majority are not autistic, and the differences in neurology that it causes renders autism to be a disability.

Autism is an invisible disability. All neurodiversity is.

You cannot see autism – it’s doesn’t result in someone sitting in a wheelchair or having prosthetic limbs – though you can sometimes see its effects. Such as the intense stare, or the absence of eye contact altogether; the strange hand gestures, or absence of gestures. For the majority though you wouldn’t guess that they are autistic which actually makes life harder rather than easier. You would assume that not wearing your disability on your sleeve means you can hide it better and ‘fit in,’ and for those autistics who really want to fit in then this is a blessing. However it’s this ‘fitting in’ and perceived normalcy that can cause the biggest problems.

‘But you look so normal.’

‘You’re too smart to be autistic.’

‘Why are you so lazy? Just get on with it!’

‘Calm down, what’s your problem? You’re such a drama queen.’

Our outward normalcy gives no indication of inward differences and therefore those we interact with often make no allowances for any ‘abnormal’ behaviour. People don’t see an obvious reason for your behaviour and so don’t believe that you are struggling. Instead of understanding that you aren’t coping they perceive you to be lazy, unsociable, weird, mentally unstable, rude, or worse. Sure, some autistics are all of these things and more, and would be regardless of being autistic, however often it’s an uncontrollable and unintentional side-effect of ‘not coping’. Either way, it’s not social acceptable.

The other option is to hide or ‘mask’ your struggles. Pretend you’re ok and fall apart when no one’s looking. Or fall apart when everyone’s looking (see the above paragraph for the result). Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Once again, no one will understand why, because autism is a HIDDEN disability. There is still such little understanding of what it is but a heap of preconceived notions based on erroneous facts.

It’s pretty tough being autistic in a non-autistic world.

Same but different.

On the surface autistics often look the same however our responses to situations can be quite different, or even inappropriate. But unlike popularly believed, rarely are they missing.

For example, there is a myth that autistics don’t feel empathy. There is a chance that some may also be sociopaths (there’s a chance that anyone may also be a sociopath) however most do feel empathy, it just may look different. Perhaps it’s shown at the wrong time, or the wrong amount, or for the wrong thing. It’s there but it’s just not always what you’d consider ‘normal’.

Or the myth that autistics don’t want to have friends; that they like to be alone. Actually most do want friends, after all, we have been created to be in relationship with others. But relationships may look different. Some feel that their friendship quota is full if they have one friend; there is no need to seek out any more. Some are more introverted than others, same as in the ‘normal’ population, and are happy with a small group of close friends. Others are extroverted and lively and have many they would call friends. Others have no idea what friendship even means and instead have ‘acquaintances’ (who look suspiciously like friends from the outside). Unfortunately autism can also result in the inability to understand typical social scenarios which means that while some autistics are extremely lonely and desperate for friendship they simply don’t know how to go about it. Would you believe that people don’t always give autistics a chance? They may not be the easiest people to befriend due to their many quirks but give them a go, because they can often be the loyalest friends you’ll ever have.

Autistics are people too, with the same desires and goals in life. They live, love, bleed, care, cry, desire, laugh… they may just do it at different times and to different extents. Ultimately we are the same, just in a different way.

If you don’t already, I hope you start to see autistics in a different way. Not necessarily in a good way, or a bad way, just as people with a difference who long for acceptance just like the next person, just like you.

Strengths and challenges

Everyone has strengths and challenges, autistics included. It’s just that they seem a tad more polarised than in your average neurotypical. They tend to be very good at some stuff and not amazing/pretty bad at most of the rest (the rest tending to involve executive functions). To complicate matters, this can further be broken down into being able to do something perfectly fine one day but not the next (naturally this won’t come with any warning), and in my experience the better we get at one thing the worse we get at others.

This morning I reflected on how my need to remain within strict routine was a catch-22. It is comforting and reassuring to me when I know what I’m doing and when I’m doing it, but it is also so restrictive and burdensome. On the one hand I feel free, but on the other I feel I’m imprisoned. I am reliable and orderly, versus I am inflexible and anxious.

The good thing about most autistic challenges is that they double as strengths when placed in a different context or seen from a different perspective. Conversely those strengths quickly turn into challenges if the circumstances are unfavourable. Bearing in mind that not all autistics experience these same challenges or have the same underlying desires or intentions, I’m about to make some pretty sweeping generalisations that may help you see things from a different perspective. Autistics:

Struggle to understand social cues by non-autistics vs good at understanding social cues by autistics.

Struggle to accept changes to routine vs good at keeping routine and is reliable.

Struggle to see the bigger picture vs good at seeing the details.

Struggle to be the social butterfly vs happy with own company.

Struggle to have more than one friend vs is a loyal friend who isn’t flaky

Struggle to diversify interests vs becomes really good at one thing

Struggle to think outside the box vs consistency of personality

Struggle to switch task vs the ability to hyperfocus

These are just a few things I can think of but there’s surely more.

I feel it’s good to be realistic about autism: in some instances an autistic trait will present as a challenge, in others a strength (it could also be argued that some traits are never positive however that’s a discussion for another day). The first step is to acknowledge that autism isn’t always a wonderful thing but in certain situations it can be. Once you’ve worked out what, when, where etc. you can then direct the autistic person to experiences where their strengths will shine. If this is your children, encourage them to engage in situations where their strengths come to the fore, and avoid situations that bring out the challenges. If you are autistic, focus on your strengths and seek out help to make up for your challenges.

You might like to check out my blog post about using support workers to help navigate those areas that you find challenging.