What happens if your best isn’t good enough?

I’m currently studying a Graduate Certificate of Autism Studies through Griffith University and last week I received a less than impressive mark for an assignment that I submitted. When I say, ‘less that impressive’, it wasn’t the high distinction that I was aiming for and would have given myself had I been the one marking (naturally), and this really annoyed me. The fact was that this particular assignment played directly to my strengths, I did my very best and truly believed that I would get a better mark. But clearly my best wasn’t good enough. The marking system at that university (as well as most schools which is one reason why I homeschool) is such that you get one chance to prove yourself – one chance to submit your best. No resubmissions, no recourse, no drafts. Just one chance. I’d used my chance and it didn’t reach the mark.

The temptation to quit

I spent a day or so feeling sad about life and considering whether it was worthwhile continuing the course. At the same time I happened to attend a parenting seminar/conference/thingy that reminded me that my children are my priority, and study is definitely taking away mental and physical energy that I could be otherwise investing in my children, particularly as my son is approaching puberty. So put the 2 ideas together and you get the following equation:

Feeling sad/disappointed/frustrated/hopeless

+  I need to refocus on my family,

= ‘I quit!’

After all, what’s the point? I’d tried my best and it wasn’t good enough.

What if your best isn’t good enough?

            This is an interesting question, and after much pondering I decided that this is the wrong question to ask. The question that should be asked is,

‘Who are you trying to impress?’

Matthew 25:14-30 tells the parable of the 3 servants who are given bags of money to invest while the master is away. The first is given 5 bags which he doubles, the second is given 2 bags and he ends up with 4, and the third servant is given 1 bag which he promptly buries, handing back the same amount with a bit of dirt on top. It’s interesting that the first two servants receive the exact same response from the master: ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant … Let’s celebrate together.’  It didn’t matter how many bags they were given, and it probably didn’t matter how many times they multiplied them. What mattered was that they obeyed. The third servant, meanwhile, didn’t obey. Why? Perhaps he was ashamed of the piddley amount he was given in the first place and too proud to do anything with it. Perhaps he was afraid of making a mistake or that he wasn’t ‘good enough so what was the point?’ Regardless of his reasoning, this servant did not obey and his master was less than impressed.

            God has given each of us talents and abilities and all He asks is that we obey. I’m doing this uni degree because it was a clear desire of God that I do it. I repeat: this is His idea! So what if I fail? So what if I pass? Spending mental energy stressing about the grade I received is a complete waste of time. The important thing is that I remain obedient to His will, regardless of the outcome. Sure, I’d like to pass and if I get the marks then I’d like to go onto doing further study. But if I don’t then that’s fine too. Meanwhile I am obeying God by staying the course, I will pursue excellence even if I know that it is not ‘good enough’, and I will find joy in knowing that His will be done. I will serve God, not the university’s marking system. So will I quit? As much as it would make my life easier, no. I will see the term out and then aim to finish the year, which also coincides with the end of the course. I will persevere and be glad that I am serving God in this way.

It’s not just adults that deal with this question

            As an adult I have the maturity to come to this conclusion and keep going, but what about our kids? What happens when their best isn’t good enough? Do they have the maturity of life and faith to recognise God’s purpose? I distinctly recall moments in high school when I tried so hard yet never met expectations. Maths in particular was a complete mystery to me (still is); friendships were another (still are). It seemed the more I cared, the faller I had to fall, so sometimes it was better not to care at all. Stop trying, it’ll hurt less. That was me 20+ years ago and apparently until just last week I still had a similar thought pattern. I think of those kids at school now with learning challenges, those whose executive functions are dysfunctional, whose brains won’t let them focus or who can’t cope with the learning environment they’ve been placed in. Chances are they’re going to be considered ‘bad students’: lazy, not realising their potential, disruptive, ‘off with the fairies’, possibly even stupid. Do they have the fortitude and self-esteem to keep going and keep striving for excellence even when they’re told over and over again that they’re not trying hard enough or feel that there’s no point in continuing? Do they know that, despite their best not being good enough for this arbitrary school system and arbitrary world that it’s good enough for God?

A life lesson to pass on

Sometimes, regardless of how hard you try, you will still fail. Sometimes, your efforts will not meet standards or expectations. Sometimes that’s because those standards and expectations are wrong but sometimes they’ll be right and you still won’t meet them, and that’s far harder to live with. The university had expectations for that assignment that I simply did not meet. Whether I agree or disagree with those expectations doesn’t matter. It’s really hard to keep going when all you want to do is quit, because what’s the point of continuing? If nothing else, this study that I am doing is teaching me that doing God’s Will is more important than my own pride at receiving good marks, or my desire to be recognised for my efforts. I will seek excellence because God deserves nothing less, and I will persevere because this is God’s calling for my life. This is called ‘living for God’s praise, not man’s’, and it is a life lesson that I really, really want to pass on to my children. God has given them abilities and talents, and I want them to use these abilities and talents in obedience to His will.

What happens if their best isn’t good enough? If they’re living out God’s will in their lives then it really doesn’t matter, does it?